I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
