now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
