Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
