That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
