I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize