Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize