I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
