Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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