We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
