my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's never too late to be topless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
