its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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