you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
