The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
