i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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