dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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