remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
