So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
