which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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