Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
