roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
