Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
