I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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