I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
