woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
