and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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