Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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