I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
