Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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