ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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