I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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