and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
