Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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