the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
