Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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