I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
