He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
