you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
