She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
