You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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