i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dignity is for republicans.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
