My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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