I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
