News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
