The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
