First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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