Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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