it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
