go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize