she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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