I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
