It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
