booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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