Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so much tequila, so little girl.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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