In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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