Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Welp...herpes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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