Non-Jews are for practice
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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