Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize