Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
