i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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