Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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