I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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