And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
