so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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