shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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