Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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