Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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