Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
