1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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