When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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