Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
