C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
