The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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