No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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