why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
