She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
