Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
