so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
