he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
